


I'll Carry Your Burden (Til The Day That You Die)

by 1Temmie_Official1



Series: I've Embraced The Calamity (I Guess It Doesn't Matter) [4]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: And so do I, Canon Universe, Coming Out, Depression, Eric Projects Onto Zuko, I need a hug, M/M, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Past Child Abuse, Post-Canon, Self-Hatred, The Gaang Learns How Zuko Got The Scar (Avatar), Trans Zuko (Avatar), Zuko (Avatar) Needs Therapy, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Zuko's Scar (Avatar)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29494983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1Temmie_Official1/pseuds/1Temmie_Official1
Summary: "Do you remember that time... on Ember Island." Zuko finally said.Katara fixed him with an indecipherable look. "Are you going to tell us what happened?"
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: I've Embraced The Calamity (I Guess It Doesn't Matter) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2034757
Comments: 4
Kudos: 146
Collections: avatar tingz





	I'll Carry Your Burden (Til The Day That You Die)

**Author's Note:**

> okay, fine, I'm writing the sequel. Writing is being Bleh so this might not be that good.

The war was over.

Strange.

When he looked in the mirror he was still the same person (Mei had gotten him to stop binding with bandages, instead getting him some contraption from the Earth Kingdom made specifically for people like him). He traced his hand on his face. It was his father's nose, the slope of his brow was the one of his father's. His chin curved as Ozai's did. He had the same mannerisms. Same explosive anger.

He thought back to his childhood. He knew that there were things he knew, memories that came to him at inopportune moments but he still couldn't willingly find them. His childhood was like a wall. As far as he was concerned, his life didn't start until he was 13 years old. But he remembered what he did afterwards, even if it was draped in a hazy fog. He remembered hurting people. He remembered feeling power, he remembered feeling no shame.

He felt like a monster in his own skin.

But.

That was wrong. He was good. He thinks. But Zuko was not going to be like Ozai. So what was the one thing Ozai would never do?

He turned to the mirror, hating himself for the golden glow within his brown eyes. He was going to tell them. Maybe it was best his past stay buried, but Zuko didn't care.

He didn't care anymore.

-

Okay.

So.

Zuko honestly didn't know how to start this conversation. It wasn't like he could just blurt "hey the reason my father scarred half my face off, resulting in me being completely disabled on that side, is because I said sacrificing an entire division of people who were just a few years older than me was bad".

... could he?

Actually, that was probably a bad decision. They hadn't reacted well with the watered-down version, oh Agni what if they hated him. He could barely run a country as it was- oh Agni he was running a country who decided to put him in charge of a country. He pushed it away. Numbness was a privilege, and he was fit to indulge right now. This was fine. He was fine. He was okay. He wasn't lying to himself constantly. He wanted to feel something other than self-hatred. Fuck, what was he doing with himself? Why was he so fucked up?

Push it away. Don't think about it again. Forget. 

How to tell them. It wasn't casual, he had established that. So that means serious conversations, he hates serious conversations.

He probably should talk to Sokka first. After they had gotten together a month ago (it was only a matter of time until Sokka realized that Zuko wasn't all that he could be, that he was broken), Sokka had understood that Zuko wasn't as well-put-together as he seemed. He never seemed well-put-together, so that was saying something. Sokka had been understanding when Zuko told him about his body, it couldn't be that bad, right? Sokka should know.

So.

How would he start the conversation with Sokka?

As if that thought had been a scream, Sokka appeared. Zuko wasn't quite sure how to start this conversation, still, but it was his motto to jump into things without a plan.

"I need to tell you something." Zuko blurted. Sokka shrugged.

"Sure, what is it?" He sat down on Zuko's bed, hands on either side of him.

Zuko tried to speak but the words seemed to be firmly lodged in his throat. "So." He made his way over to the bed, sitting down beside Sokka.

"So," Sokka repeated.

"I, uh, wanted to tell you about the... the thing," Zuko said. His heart beat quickly. This was difficult. How the actual fuck was he supposed to say this without being a nuisance or getting into a confrontation? Zuko's thoughts were bouncing around in his head like popped rice-corn.

"What thing?" Sokka asked. Zuko hoped that Sokka could see the larger issue underneath. Unfortunately, Zuko was good at hiding things yet expected people to read him like an open book.

Zuko frowned. "The important thing. I talked to you a while ago." Zuko said by means of explanation. How was it that he was easily able to discuss his scar in his head but the moment he tried to say it out loud, it was just word vomit?

Sokka frowned as well. "I don't remember it, was I supposed to?"

Zuko paused. "... no, actually. But it's important. I want to talk to you about it now."

"That's good. Is it about that trade agreement?" Sokka prompted.

Zuko shook his head. "It's more important than that. I want to say it but I don't really know how." He groaned, falling back. "I hate words." He grumbled.

Sokka patted his shoulder in sympathy. "I'll wait as long as you need."

Zuko sighed. He just needed to stop being a bitch and just say what he meant. Why was it so hard? Why was he such a fuck up? Unlucky. But this wasn't fate or chance, this was just him being worthless and annoying. And that was when he was finally able to force the words out. "My scar."

Sokka stiffened. Exactly. Sokka hated him. This was when he would leave him. Zuko curled in on himself slightly. "Are you ready to talk about it?" Sokka said gently. He started running his fingers through Zuko's hair. "I won't leave." He promised. Zuko was reminded harshly of his mother leaving. His mother promised she wouldn't leave, but she did. Everyone did.

"You already know it was my father." Zuko began slowly. "But... I... I don't actually remember what happened. I guess I just blocked it out." He continued. Sokka seemed surprisingly okay with this. "I got Uncle to tell me about the why. You were there when I remembered right before it... happened."

"Do you want to tell me why it happened?"

Zuko paused. "Yeah. There was this... division. The 41st. They were going to be sacrificed, and I spoke out against the plan. That's what Uncle told me. Ozai made me fight in an Agni Kai. Uncle told me that everyone thought it would be the general I was fighting, but it was Ozai." He said, paraphrasing Uncle. Uncle didn't know that he had been listening and that Zuko was as clueless of the story as the crew. Sokka blinked.

"You were 13, no one deserves that."

Zuko nodded. "It was cruel and it was wrong..." Zuko trailed off. "Sorry, I shouldn't be saying all of this to you."

Sokka shook his head. "No, you don't _ever_ have to apologize for this. I mean, yeah, I won't always be available to talk because of stress and stuff but that doesn't mean I won't be here for you." Zuko was skeptical. Sokka saw this. "I'm dating you because I like you, all of you, even the stuff I don't know about yet."

Zuko was shocked. "I..." Zuko didn't think that anyone could like him like that. Zuko didn't think that anyone could love him at all. "Thank you." He whispered. 

Maybe this was 'getting better'.

-

The hard part was over. He had said it once, he could say it again.

Sokka was amazing, he had helped gather everybody. He didn't deserve Sokka.

It felt bad to have all these eyes on him. There was a long moment of silence as Zuko attempted to sort over his thoughts. "Do you remember that time... on Ember Island." Zuko finally said.

Katara fixed him with an indecipherable look. "Are you going to tell us what happened?"

Zuko paused. "Yes."

Everyone's attention was on him. It was too much. Sokka's hand in his was the only thing grounding him. "Not about the scar." He chickened out. Sokka was slightly surprised but didn't comment. Katara was confused.

"What about then?"

Zuko fidgeted with the hand that wasn't in Sokka's. "It's why I never went swimming with you guys. Ever. It's cuz, uh, I wasn't born in the right body."

Aang, surprisingly, lit up. "Oh! We had plenty of people like that in the Air Temples! One of my moms was like that! And one of my dads!"

Zuko was shocked. "Oh."

Katara nodded. "It's pretty common back in the Water Tribe, we have two-spirited people as well. People who aren't male or female." Zuko smiled. It was nice to know that there were more options than just girl or boy, even if Zuko wasn't like that. From that point on, it was a bustle of noise and conversation. Zuko smiled.

Zuko lost track of the supportive comments. "Thank you." He didn't need to tell them about it right now, perhaps he was never going to tell them about what happened at all, but that was okay. It wasn't something he owed them, and it wasn't something that they needed to know. But it felt better to get the weight off his chest of at least one secret.

**Author's Note:**

> Full offence, Numbness is a Privilege is such a good album. It is a tragedy that most people don't know about it.
> 
> I thought this would be cathartic for me but I guess projecting this much is not good for my psyche. Oh yeah, all of this is basically projection.
> 
> SHhhhh this is bad writing but literally who cares. What are you, a cop?


End file.
